Poem "Make a Gesture"

[part one]

can't escape the feeling / that the only way to get anything
is to chase it down and catch it
can't get around the apparent reality / that the only way to get anything
is to give something better in return
that the only way to get there is to be there first

maybe that's just life / maybe it's just thermodynamics
maybe it's not supposed to make sense

can't escape the feeling / that nothing i have to give will get me in the door
the toll of the bridge / is a bottomless pit
that only exists to swallow more and more
maybe if you fall, someone will catch you / maybe that's what it takes

[part two]

now with a clear mind / i ascend the staircase to you
to find that my grand gestures were only smoke screens
for running my fingers thru your hair
like clumsy thimbles thru a feather
they don't match
but like sometimes different shades of blue
together they make something like music

[part three]

hello / this is different / it's familiar
it's a sliver of what i've been waiting for
and that's a start
in a wind tunnel, i can finally breathe
and falling from far up in the atmosphere, i can finally see

reverb and echo, and a modulating bassline
have restored my spirit, and now i can feel okay
about painting my face with racing stripes
give me a short sleeve shirt under a windbreaker
and some dark red running shoes and a faded pair of jeans
and i'll map the coastline
just to be able to throw my arms around you


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The Fisher King

So, I just watched The Fisher King for the first time ever, tonight. It had been on my to-watch list for quite a while. In light of the events of the past couple of weeks...anyway, for me, now was the time. I expected it to be an interesting film for several reasons (Robin Williams of course, story elements from Arthurian legend, director Terry Gilliam) but even expecting the unexpected, I was surprised at how beautiful it was.

In particular, the scene in which Parry (Williams) recounts the story of the titular Fisher King to Jack (Jeff Bridges):

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This film also made me think of the lyrics to the song "I've Been Waiting" by Sixpence None the Richer:

The lyrics to the first verse, to get right to it:

So I'm waiting by a phone, for the blessed ring

Like a holy grail for a fisher king

Time is ticking down like a metronome

Rhythm for my brain and its ceaseless scares...

It's an incredible song, and I now I have a bit more insight into those words, which is very cool.

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When I saw the headline saying the Robin Williams had died, I found myself more affected than I can recall having been for any celebrity's passing. I don't mean to suggest that I absorb the news of most deaths with indifference, but rather that I don't usually feel as though someone whom I've never met was somehow a close personal friend. That's how I felt this time.

There's something very sad about the way that we, as humans, so often find ourselves reappraising people and things--and coming to realize the depth of their meaning--only after they're gone. It feels tragic in itself, a symptom of our tendency to be overwhelmed by the day-to-day details of life to the extent that we don't manage to stand still and really look at and think about things. (I'm speaking for myself.)

I don't know that there's anything that I can say, except that it's an amazing thing to consider that even as fragile and short-lived as we are, that one life can bring so much laughter, joy, wonder and inspiration to so many people. There's great power in that.

To end this post, here is a commercial that Robin and his daughter Zelda did. Like so many of these things, I only saw it after the fact, but it's just about the sweetest thing ever:

If life can be this beautiful, even for just a moment, that's an incredible thing.

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Poem "The Aftermathematics of Recovery"

don't remember / the best thing you can do is to forget

you need a short memory / if you're to recover for the next set

don't overthink it / just take a moment to be dormant

still your thoughts and collect your wits

all that you need is a handful of pine needles / and your quadriceps

and a low fire flickering in the autumn wind

you will wake again / into the stillness of oblivion

as you climb through the clouds at the summit of this moment

into the clear / into the the wings as you reset again

don't go it alone / a fist has nothing on the grip of another hand

but we don't always get to choose

and you do what you have to do to make it thru today

maybe this is how it has to be

and maybe that's okay

you will wake again / into the stillness of oblivion

as you climb through the clouds at the summit of this moment

into the clear / into the the wings as you reset again

have seen it all before

and am so tired of going around and around in this revolving door

don't come back this way / find a different, better path

the whole point of the experience

is to escape the darkness of the past, for the light

because there's something better over the horizon

just take a moment more to be dormant

collect your spirit and collect your wits

let the lava rise to light your eyes

and drink up the ocean of this moment

with your inner fire

you will wake again / into the energy of infinity

as you inscribe the sky with calligraphy

one dream to find you, one dream to bring you back to life

one dream to put the magic back in your eyes

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i see fire